


Losing the way doesn´t mean the end

by InsomniaMagic



Series: Ennotana Week 2018 [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Day 6, EnnoTana Week 2018, Kenma, M/M, Sad, Tora - Freeform, akaashi - Freeform, ennotana - Freeform, mentions of other 2 years through haikyuu teams, new apartment, prompt Adulthood, relationship troubles, shirabu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 21:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15591207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniaMagic/pseuds/InsomniaMagic
Summary: Ennotana week 2018Day 6: Adulthood“What happened?” Tanaka pushed off his chest with hands outstretched on the table, voice shaky. “When? I-I didn´t notice. I-“Ennoshita gave an understanding nod. “I´m not surprised. These small things are so easy to miss. And I wasn´t very forthcoming when they arose. You get me, right?”“Yes,” Tanaka spat of disappointment. “Being an adult sucks.”“No, it doesn´t. We suck at being adults.” Ennoshita stood up, hands fidgeting. “We should move on before it gets any worse. I don´t wish to lose our friendship too.”





	Losing the way doesn´t mean the end

**Author's Note:**

> Warning - this is not a happy fic...

 

They sat in an apartment rented about a three months ago. It was supposed to mark their fresh start. Instead, it was the beginning of the end.

Hunting for a place to share was a dream come true. Before attending the college, they dated for a month, maybe less. Tanaka was drunk, Ennoshita was tired, and they celebrated their first win against Fukurodani which made them Nationals winners. As freshmen, they shared an apartment with their volleyball friends from high school. Surprisingly, they got along well with Kozume, Akaashi, and Shirabu, with Tora next door. It usually resulted in a tragedy or the masterpiece.

The place was getting too crowded, and Ennoshita´s and Tanaka´s relationship flourished with the seriousness of their joint future.

They found a small flat in less than a week, thanks to the aid of, to their shock, Ushijima Wakatoshi, the “sworn enemy” as Tanaka liked to call him while Ennoshita waved it off.

 

 

Ennoshita was unpacking while Tanaka lay on the kitchen counter seductively. “Our stuff can wait. Let´s mark this place as our own, properly. Everywhere on everything. With passion,” he added, winking. Ennoshita contemplated the choices. “Let me unpack one bag, and I am yours. Deal?”

 

 

Their place was everything dreams were made off. Both men made it their own, as individuals, as a couple. Ennoshita made everything lovely and pretty, spacious, systematic and hectic enough for Tanaka to enjoy the place and stay true to himself. This effort hid from Tanaka´s notice and from time to time, he rearranged things for no reason, making Ennoshita nervous. As Tanaka needed some mess, Ennoshita needed some order. He asked him to stop while Tanaka begged for inclusion into certain aspects of Chikara´s life. It was a battle without the possibility of any winners.

Ennoshita nodded, willing to compromise, but he needed time. It was different, going from five people to only two. It should have been more comfortable, but it wasn´t.

Tanaka wanted sex every day, sometimes twice a day.

Ennoshita was often tired and disinterested. His limbs went numb imagining being entirely honest about this. Tanaka would blame himself even though he was completely respectful and it wasn´t his fault. As he often said, “I don´t need you to pleasure myself,” and went on with his life happily.

It never could´ve been Tanaka´s fault. A long time ago, it was easier to come up with an excuse. Now, not so much. Ennoshita was tied up. His sincerity towards Tanaka could be cruel, but this-this would be too much.

Ennoshita wished to spend his time reading or playing card games, Tanaka loved to run around, to be outside with others, to party.

This should have been a perfect match, and maybe it was, but they didn´t figure it out.

The weeks swam against the current like a salmon fighting its way through until it got weak and couldn´t go on anymore.

Tanaka and Ennoshita stopped talking, not on purpose. Sometimes, they raised their voice. Too much, it was too much. When the silence strangled them, it was time to talk and listen.

 

 

“What happened?” Tanaka pushed off his chest with hands outstretched on the table, voice shaky. “When? I-I didn´t notice. I-“

Ennoshita gave an understanding nod. “I´m not surprised. These small things are so easy to miss. And I wasn´t very forthcoming when they arose. You get me, right?”

“Yes,” Tanaka spat of disappointment. “Being an adult sucks.”

“No, it doesn´t. We suck at being adults.” Ennoshita stood up, hands fidgeting. “We should move on before it gets any worse. I don´t wish to lose our friendship too.”

Tanaka perked up. “So-you mean-you don´t-“ His heart fell right on the table. “I fucked up. In the end, I did, huh?”

Ennoshita touched his shoulders, stoic as ever, trying to be tough for a little more. “It takes two to tango.”

“What?”

“It´s not just your fault. I wasn´t the best either. I was quiet when I should have shouted. I let it be, I let us go, and I let myself go. Maybe you didn´t notice, but I did.” Ennoshita stared through the window at the blazing sun laughing at them.

Tanaka moved his hand, head still on the table. His palm fell on Ennoshita´s fingers. “But do you still love me?”

The silence was deafening. “Of course I do. That will never change. Not so easily. The problem is, love on its own is not enough.” Ennoshita buried his fingers into Tanaka´s body, shifting him to face him. “Do you get what I´m saying?” Ennoshita expected screams, a tear, some fighting and solutions for their situation.

Tanaka pulled away, getting off the chair. “I think I do understand. I´ll see myself out if you give me a week.” Tanaka´s back disappeared behind the doors.

Ennoshita walked to them slowly, hand clutching the doorknob. He didn´t dare to open.

No sounds were coming from the inside. No sniffling, no murmurs or music. Deadly silence absorbed Ennoshita completely, endlessly.

 

 

Ennoshita´s face burned with hot tears sneaking out of his dark eyes. As Tanaka loved to say, “eyes of a devils color, but of angels soul.” Ennoshita couldn´t help but get a tattoo of this saying to remember, to taste Tanaka after so much time without him.

If he got a chance, he´d rather break up with him precisely as he so often imagined. With some changes to the story. He would choose for Tanaka to live without Ennoshita, than for him to not live at all.

 

 

Ennoshita´s reverie couldn´t come true. You cannot cheat death, this is not a fantasy. At night, he dreamt of Tanaka in his arms. “You smell so good.” He says with eyes shut before waking up empty handed, all alone in a vast bed for two.

In the day, he thought of the same scenario over and over. Later, he added the image of both of them fighting for their love alongside everything they learned when living together. Just the two of them – the knowledge about them as partners and as unique personalities. In his mind, they always won. In reality, the truth was far more distant and a one big, unfair lie.

Tanaka and Ennoshita never got the chance to right the wrong. One hour before they could sit down and talk, as Ennoshita planned for some time, he got the call.

It was an accident, they said. The truck driver fell asleep, they said. The bus and people sitting in front died on an impact, they probably said. Ennoshita wasn´t able to comprehend the words anymore. His brain conjured Tanaka coming home, sitting down to have that somber conversation, now seemingly silly. One unhappy ending changed seats for the other, doomed one.

One alternative – there was a chance.

The second alternative – game over.

Game. Ennoshita snorted, staring at the ceiling. The whole adulting is a stupid game. Tanaka was on that bus because he was looking for a part-time job to be able to afford the place and to continue studies in peace. He went there because Ennoshita showed him the ad. Tanaka didn´t feel confident about that particular choice. Ennoshita assured him he is capable enough. “There are no repercussions for trying.”

Ennoshita had no idea when he tumbled to the ground. Nothing and no one could help him out of this. How to figure out now if they had at least one more chance? He couldn´t and that hurts the most.

The doors opened. Visitors welcomed themselves in, as usual. Keiji, Kenma, Keijiro, Yamamoto. No greetings, no small talk. They knew the drill. Keiji found him first and sat by his side. Kenma put on a game to distract them. Keijiro darted to the kitchen for some coffee and hot cocoa.

Ennoshita´s day started with their visit, although the night was in full swing. Half an hour was gone, and Ennoshita moved his body to the sofa, watching Kenma and Keijiro play.

“I may never know,” Ennoshita mumbled. Keiji looked up to him, Ennoshita lowered his gaze. “I will never know if we´d ever work things out. I can´t dwell on it, but I am sure of one thing. We loved each other. It wasn´t enough right now, it was enough in the past, and it has to be enough right now, for me, for my future. “

Ennoshita was ready to face his friends. They stared at each other, being a rock for one another to withstand the turbulence. Ennoshita smiled, the forgotten move aching his muscles. “I promise.”

And someone, somewhere yelled into the void of the dead: “That´s my man!”

“I promise,” Ennoshita repeated, for Ryu.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for your time, I hope you don´t hate me much. I tried to depict the fall of a relationship and how sometimes just love isn´t enough and if it´s worth it, we should fight for it - sooner rather than later. I know this is not enough, for fan weeks, I am trying to stay within a certain word amount and this theme deserves so much more flashing out. I hope at least something got through. 
> 
> I am also a sucker for bittersweet things, so yeaaah... 
> 
> Please, take care of yourself and if you have troubles, communicate! That´s the key to everything!


End file.
